See Change

Have you changed much in the last year? What about the last 10?

When I think about the things I could improve upon, I do think I have changed. But only subtly, and perhaps only discernable to the keen observer. But then again, I'm also pretty sure that I'm fundamentally the same person I was 10 years ago.

For now, all I can really do is look at pictures, and think back to what it was like. But that might not be enough. Even this amazing video of one photograph per day for over 6 years doesn't do it justice. You can't see the change. It's too gradual.

What I would need is to see the change through someone else's eyes. Someone who didn't see me every day. Someone I was away from for long enough periods of time that they could see the change as it happened. Either that or a journal, which, sadly I only have tiny bits of.

But then again, sometimes I don't want to think I've changed. There might just be some special term for this in psychology. Like I don't want to admit that I've ever screwed up. Like it's some secret self-defense mechanism against regret. Something that's just there to further the illusion of happiness.

Whatever the reality, I've had so many influences...