Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Things I don't talk about

It was brought to my attention last night, that I have never talked about weight and body-image. There is a reason for this of course, and that's because it's not something that I ever think about personally. Another reason is that no man ever wants to get into a conversation about weight and body-image with women. Or men for that matter. (Although guys never sit around talking with each other about how fat they look).

It's the most helpless position to be in. Someone tells you that they're fat. You only have two possible responses:
  1. Assure them they aren't fat.
  2. Lie and tell them they aren't fat.
Either way, the person who thinks they're fat knows this, and since they have body-image issues to begin with, they assume number two. Even though they're asking for a reassuring number one response.

You'll remember this catch 22 as the same one that ensues when your significant other asks:
Honey, do you think I'm attractive?

Yes, this may be one of the first posts ever that doesn't even begin to draw some sort of conclusion or offer a final thought.

It's very hard to have a conversation about insecurities. What makes it so bizarre is that although insecurity is when people dislike the way they appear to others, no amount of reassurance from those "others" will make them feel better. The feeling better part needs to come from within, which of course, takes more than conversation.

1 comment:

Tillie said...

If someone asks you if they look fat, unattractive, or some other self-depreciating question, they are fishing for a compliment and self-assurance. So I agree with you in part. However, you have more than two options for response when someone tells you they're fat. Instead of stroking their ego (if they aren't fat) or lying (if they are fat), simply ask them what they intend to do about it. If they come back at you with a "so you think I'm fat?", you can say "well, you obviously think your fat and that is all that matters. So what are you doing about it?" This puts the ownership of the feeling on them, and forces them to consider how strongly they feel about their weight/body issues.